Blood Donor
Samson: (John Cleese) Blood donors that way, please.
Donor: Oh, thank you very much.
Samson: Thank you.
Grimshaw: (Eric Idle)(whispering)
Samson: What?
Grimshaw: (whispering)
Samson: No, no. I'm sorry, but 'no'.
Grimshaw: (whispering)
Samson: No, you may not give urine instead of blood.
Grimshaw: (whispering)
Samson: No. Well, I don't care if you want to.
Grimshaw: (whispering)
Samson: No. There is no such thing as a urine bank.
Grimshaw: Please.
Samson: No. We have no call for it. We've quite enough of it without volunteers coming in here donating it.
Grimshaw: Just a specimen?
Samson: No. We don't want a specimen. We either want your blood or nothing.
Grimshaw: I'll give you some blood if you'll give me...
Samson: What?
Grimshaw: ...a thing to do some urine in.
Samson: No, no. Just go away, please.
Grimshaw: Anyway, I don't want to give you any blood.
Samson: Fine. Well, you don't have to, you see. Just go away.
Grimshaw: Can I give you some spit?
Samson: No.
Grimshaw: Sweat?
Samson: No.
Grimshaw: Ear wax?
Samson: No. Look, this is a blood bank. All we want is blood.
Grimshaw: All right. I'll give you some blood. (produces some blood)
Samson: Where did you get that?
Grimshaw: Today. It's today's.
Samson: What group is it?
Grimshaw: What groups are there?
Samson: There's 'A',--
Grimshaw: It's 'A'.
Samson: (sniff) Wait a moment. It's mine. This blood is mine! What are you doing with it?
Grimshaw: I found it.
Samson: You found it?! You stole it out of my body, didn't you?
Grimshaw: No.
Samson: No wonder I'm feeling off-colour. (drinks from bottle) Give that back!
Grimshaw: It's mine.
Samson: It's not yours. You stole it.
Grimshaw: Never.
Samson: Give it back to me.
Grimshaw: All right, but only if I can give urine.
Samson: Get in the queue...
Continue to the next sketch... International Wife-Swapping